


It’s Here I’ll Be with You

by Lanyare



Series: What's Done Cannot Be Undone [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, and lup says bad words, barry doesn't remember, lup angsts, stuck in the pocket spa together, what happens in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 02:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13894551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanyare/pseuds/Lanyare
Summary: The infiltration of the Bureau of Balance begins, and the two extra invaders being smuggled onto the base are stuck inside the Pocket Spa to wait.As hiding places go, it could be better.





	It’s Here I’ll Be with You

**Author's Note:**

> You're going to want to read the two previous installments in this series before this one, or else it might not make a ton of sense. I'm just sayin'.

_"Wait a minute. Wait a minute, uh, wait— we're going to work against the Bureau of Balance?" Merle looks at his companions as though they've suddenly sprouted horns and tails and started speaking Draconic._

_"Uh, well. That is…" Magnus begins, but before he can get any farther, Taako interrupts, his voice flat. "I'm in."_

_"You **what**?" Merle demands, turning toward the elf lounging with apparent unconcern against the wall of the cave._

_Taako only shrugs, examining his fingernails to further sell his pose. "I just believe him. Okay?" There's tension at the corners of his eyes, though, and a hardness in the set of his mouth that betrays the casual pretense. "Hell yeah, let's do this. Breaking into the Director's vault, I'm in."_

****

It had seemed like a reasonable idea at the time. Barry obviously couldn't go up to the base with the others — even if the other Bureau members hadn't been immediately suspicious, if Lucretia had seen him it would've blown the entire operation. He might not remember her, but oh, she would _definitely_ recognize _him_ , and know exactly what it meant that he was there. So yes, hiding in Taako's pocket spa was an ideal way to transport him. And an extension of that logic said that Lup should hide in there as well, so they didn't have to try to explain the presence of _two_ animated mannequins, given that one would be odd enough. It also might provide another layer of protection against whatever anti-lich wards were up around the base, if the wooden body she's inhabiting isn't enough to hide her.

It's all perfectly reasonable, really, it is.

Or so Lup has to keep telling herself as she paces restlessly around the open area by the entrance that she has no idea how to open (or if she even _can_ open, for that matter). The spa is, as far as decor goes, about as far as it can get from the stark black curtains that covered her prison in the Umbra Staff, but the feel of it — the knowledge that she's _trapped_ , that she's in here _with no exit_ , that things are happening outside that she can't see or feel or know, _that_ much is the same. Or more so, because even if she were to expend all her energy she wouldn't be able to make even the tenuous contact with the outside that she had while in the staff. No, she's rendered completely blind and helpless in here, hearing only faint echoes of the outside, waiting to find out if the mission succeeds or not only if someone thinks to open the door.

What if they don't make it? What if something happens, they lose the pocket spa, they're hurt or caught and she's just stuck in here? Trapped all over again, with even less hope of escape—

 _Stop that._ Lup tries her best to be stern with herself, tries to calm her racing thoughts and fraying control. If she were in an actual body, a living body, _her own body_ , this wouldn't be a problem, or would it? She could be hyperventilating by now, heart racing, head pounding with the panic bubbling up even when she doesn't look at the walls of the spa. They're there, she knows they're there, she can all but _feel_ them there and they're drawing closer with every second.

Step, step, step, turn. Step, step, step, turn. The same amount of space every time. It's not getting smaller, it isn't closing in on her, she's imagining things. Everything is fine. Everything will work out. She has to believe that, or else...what point is there? She has to believe that they'll make it, they'll get to Lucretia's vault and find Fisher's baby...

"So you're, uh, a person in there, right? Like that Magnus guy? Not just some kind of magically animated construct or something?"

The first words spoken since the two of them had entered the pocket spa fall into the silence, startling Lup such that it freezes her panic into stillness, leaving her staring at Barry for a long enough moment that his face flushes scarlet and he looks away again. "Sorry, if that was, er, a...personal question."

 _That_ startles a laugh out of her, though one that sounds just a tiny bit uneven to her mind, and Lup pulls herself into movement again, somewhat stiffly going to go perch on one of the lounge chairs near him. "No, not really. It was just. Well. Unexpected."

He looks back toward her cautiously, a little shyly, and it's like their first meeting all over again, except for the fact that he remembers nothing and she's trapped in a wooden marionette, and it isn't a hundred and something years ago on an entirely different planar system, and she's almost overwhelmed with a flood of memories that makes her clasp her hands lest she reach toward him.

"Oh— okay, then, um. You're. Not normally made of wood, I'm guessing, so." When he runs out of words Barry pauses, mouth open for a moment before closing again as he searches for what exactly he wants to say, without possibly upsetting or offending her as he thinks he might have just done. "So, uh, then why—" Rendered speechless again, he just flushes and waves a hand to encompass, generally, her.

It's almost enough to make her laugh again, this time with actual amusement. Even without his memories Barry is still Barry, and that _familiarity_ helps, just a little, lets her relax enough that she isn't quite so hyperaware of the walls around them. She isn't alone in here, at least. There's this familiar face that she's missed with such intensity, this voice that she replayed in memory until she wasn't sure if she was remembering it at all accurately anymore. Lup takes a second to contain her thoughts, her first reactions, and keeps her voice even. "Remember how the coin — well, you, via the coin — told the others that you couldn't go to the base in your lich form?"

"Uh, yeah, I...I guess so."

Lup imitates his earlier gesture toward herself, taking in the wooden body and fancy clothing. "Well, neither could I."

Barry's eyes light up with sudden interest, and he leans forward slightly. The posture is entirely familiar to her, after time and time again over a century seeing him caught up in a fascinating new puzzle, and Lup is glad that her wooden face can't show any of her expression. "So you're a lich too, then— and do you know me? The me who recorded those messages, uh, who I guess is also me, but, er. With...you know. Remembering everything."

"Yes." A one word answer is safe. It keeps her from wanting to tell him so much that she knows about him, so _very_ much, and how hard it is to keep from pushing the boundaries of the suppressed memories. Lup suddenly appreciates all the more the efforts he's been making to keep an eye on Taako, Magnus, and Merle for the last year or so, trying to push them the right direction without getting into potentially hazardous territory.

"It's all true, then? What the coin said?" Barry gestures back toward the door of the spa, even though by now they're going to be long gone from the cave where that conversation originally took place. "That's really me talking, I left all those instructions?"

Lup nods once, emphatically. "Oh yes. Every word of it was true. And I can't express just how very important it is that you do your best to follow those instructions."

His eyes narrow just a little as he considers, sorting through her words and his own recorded words and coming to his own conclusions. "Which means...if I have any questions about what I said, or need something clarified, you can act to fill in those gaps."

"I...can try." Wood clicks softly against wood as Lup closes her hands, clenching them into fists before forcing them to relax once more.

"Why only try?"

"There are things that you can't remember now. Not just that you don't, you _can't_. If I try to tell you any of that, it could...it would confuse you. Or maybe even hurt you, if you try to hard to remember."

Barry frowns at that. He never has liked being stopped in the middle of investigating something, so she adds, grasping at the first redirect that comes to mind before he can ask another question, "Things like...my name, for instance."

"Your name?" He blinks once, visibly startled to realize that he'd never even asked for it. "Why would I have forgotten your—" Pause. "Who are you?"

Lup winces inwardly at the question, so innocently asked but driving so deep. Coming from him, in that so-familiar voice, it hurts. It _hurts_ more than she wants to admit. She spreads her hands flat against her legs, pressing against fabric she can't feel, as though trying to force calm into herself. "All I can tell you is that you know me. Or did. Like you knew those other three, once, but you've forgotten."

_"It’s the weight of a love that defined and redeemed you but you’ve forgotten who that weight belongs to."_

It's a weight that presses down on her, invisible but terrible. They're so close now, so very close, but separated by a gulf that can't be bridged. Not unless the mission succeeds. _Until_ the mission succeeds. Until everyone's memories are restored, until they have a chance against the Hunger.

"Can you…." He sounds hesitant now, and when she lifts her head to look at him there's concern in his eyes. Something in her reaction told him that the question upset her, Lup supposes, even with as little body language as there is to read on a faceless wooden form, and that just makes the ache knot a little tighter still. "If, um, it's...not too much to ask, or, or something you can't...explain, can you, er." He draws in a breath, then continues, the words rushing out as though he doesn't dare even slow down lest he lose momentum and stop entirely. "Forgetting the, you know, _how_ , because I don't exactly, uh, _know magic_ , but if I'm actually a lich or, whatever, can you, I mean, _why_? Why would I do that?"

If Lup could breathe, in that instant she would forget how. Her heart would stop, her breath would stop, everything would stop under the crushing weight of the memories overwhelming her at that seemingly simple question.

Memory is a major strength of her lich form, and in that both a blessing and a curse: she can call up past thoughts, experiences, emotions, use them to reinforce her _self_ and hold herself steady and real, but at the same time she cannot forget. She cannot erase any of that, and wouldn't and shouldn't want to, not when those precious memories are what make her _Lup_ , make her something other than the maddened creatures of undead arcane fury that most liches become. But now, now when she's facing a dizzying double vision of Barry-that-is and Barry-that-was, one puzzled and lost and questioning and the other intent and triumphant and _caring_ with an intensity that almost radiates from him ( _"I know it sounds crazy, Lup, but listen, it can give us the strength we need..."_ ), she finds herself reeling.

"—sorry," she can hear him saying a moment (minutes? hours?) later, apologetic and worried, but from a slightly farther distance away. "I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't realize— are you all right? Is there something I can do, maybe…"

Lup's vision slowly clears and she realizes it had gone incandescently white, blotting out her surroundings, and she feels... _fuzzy_. She shakes her head a little, though it does nothing to clear her thoughts, and realizes that the chair she'd been perched on is now slightly scorched, as is the clothing the mannequin she wears had been wearing in turn. "Oh _fuck_ ," she whispers, lifting her hands and turning them over as though she can see through them to the _her_ concealed within. "I didn't hurt you, did I? I didn't mean, it's...fuck. I'm. I'm sorry. One of the...hazards."

Visibly wary (and shit, of _course_ he is) Barry shuffles a little closer again, approaching the chair he'd occupied however long ago it had been when he'd asked that question. "No, I'm fine, everything's okay. You just got a little. Hm. Fire...ish. For a minute there."

"Yeah, it's. Sorry." Lup lifts a hand to rake it through her hair, remembers she currently doesn't have any, and ends up sort of awkwardly gesturing in the direction of her head before lowering her hand to her lap again. "It's been a rough day. Year. Fuck, _decade_." Beyond that. Century. It's like she hasn't stopped running since the Starblaster first launched and doesn't know how to stop even if she could consider doing so. Unexpected obstacles that rear up in her path and make her metaphorically eat pavement aren't helping.

Barry reaches toward the chair, hand groping blindly toward it as he seems reluctant to take his attention off her again. At least it seems more out of interest than fear, curiosity overcoming wariness as it too-often has done in the past. "I'll stop asking questions, then," he promises, though Lup knows that's never a promise he can keep. "I just thought, well, we're stuck in here until they get where they're going."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong." The reassurance almost speaks itself before Lup can stop it, and inwardly she winces. Of course it isn't his fault. He doesn't remember anything, he doesn't remember _her_ , and though that's the majority of the problem it isn't his fault in the slightest. "I usually have better control than that."

Barry doesn't respond right away, or after that, or for long enough that Lup has to fight down the urge not to fidget. He's just watching her, thoughtful, studying. "Okay," he finally says, abruptly enough that she nearly jumps, then pushes to his feet again. "Hang on. I'm going to have a look around for a minute."

"O...kay." Lup nods, puzzled, then watches as he starts exploring the confines of the spa. After only a short time she decides it's easier not to keep him in view and settles back against the chair, closing off her awareness of the area as one might close their eyes, and instead concentrates on resetting her equilibrium. Once Taako decides it's safe to let them out again she's probably going to need all the control and power she can get, and that loss of control says she really has to focus before need arises.

She hardly notices when the sounds of Barry rummaging about ends, but retains enough awareness to look up again when she hears his approaching footsteps. He's now carrying a plate with a couple of sandwiches in one hand, and...something she can't quite see in the other. "I was promised cucumber sandwiches," he tells her a little bashfully, setting the plate down beside himself. With his hand freed, he draws a small table closer, placing it between them. "But I found something else we can do to pass the time."

That "something else" proves to be a deck of cards, which Barry shuffles and deals, allowing an almost companionable silence to fall as they settle into a game. It seems a little peculiar to Lup that he can so easily become comfortable around her, a virtual stranger tucked in an unnatural body that she'd kind of set on fire a teensy bit, but...maybe he hasn't quite forgotten _everything_.

It's a tiny thing, an unspoken thing, but it's something. It's something she can hold to like a talisman, fixing memories in place where they belong, shielding rather than disquieting.

The silence continues for a time, punctuated only by the soft rustle of card against card, the quiet crunch of Barry munching on his sandwiches. "You wanted to be able to protect everyone," Lup finally says, voice no louder than it has to be to be heard, her attention on the card she's drawing. "There was...a great danger, repeated danger, and to be strong enough. To do your best to help those you cared about. That's why you decided to do it."

Barry contemplates his hand briefly, then draws a card and slides it between two of the others he's holding. And then he looks up at her and smiles, shy and warm and achingly familiar, and nods once. No words spoken, but then, it's been decades since she's needed to hear him speak to know what he's thinking most of the time. And that's enough, for now.


End file.
